Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
