I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
