i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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