So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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