Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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