I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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