i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
