Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
