I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
