worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
