I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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