NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
