Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
