We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
