idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
