she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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