What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
