haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
