go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
