Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
