loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
