Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
