I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
