Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
