im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
