Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
