when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
