i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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