half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
