porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
