Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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