margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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