this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
