The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
