Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
