Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
