Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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