Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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