There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
