There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
