I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
