dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
