her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
