taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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