Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
