guys are not supposed to queef...right?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
