Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
