My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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