just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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