You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
